I’ve got three weeks of “free time”, with student teachers taking over my class. Besides sparing time for class observations and mentoring, I practically have more time in my usual 8-hour days. Now what to do with this much time in my hands gets me into panic mode.
Whether it’s an extra 10 minutes, an hour, or a holiday, I don’t know why I cannot be at peace thinking that at the end of the day all I’ve accomplished is simply writing What to Do’s. Don’t think I’m on super busy mode the whole time. I’d mostly be sitting around with a magazine, dozing off a few minutes, preparing something to eat, or scribbling nonsense. But in the midst of this holiday mode, I’d be counting the minutes or hours I have left and how much I still have to do and haven’t started doing. And before I know it, my precious free time is used up. It’s Sunday evening, time to throw tantrums. Time’s up. And nothing’s been crossed out on my to-do list.
Free time freaks me out. On days when paperwork and house work fight for my attention, I look back on the days when I just sat idly and checked Facebook and Instagram updates. I don’t know why I should be guilty about these little pleasures, but looking at all the productive people around me, I think I should work harder on looking busy.
I wonder why free time makes me feel this way. I must have been a slave in my past life. Or I am simply a procrastinator trying to be better at time management. I am not a super-busy working mom, I must say. I have a regular 8-hour job. I do come home tired, but I still have the luxury to put my feet up and watch my husband wash the plates. However, free time is not a good memory on days when there’s hardly any time to even check myself in the mirror. It’s not that I wouldn’t wish for any free time, I wouldn’t trade 1-minute or 1-week holidays for anything!
Right now, I have exactly an hour before I start preparing for work. My to-do list only has one item for today: work. It’s not so demanding, is it? But before I start gearing up for a long day ahead, I have this one hour to waste or make the most of. There’s a fresh pile of laundry which I couldn’t possibly do in an hour. I could start drafting an exam for this week’s lessons, but maybe that can wait. I can start organizing certificates and other papers I’ve acquired this year, hmm have to buy color-coded folders yet. And I have forty minutes left now as I am closing this paragraph. Ahhh…there’s this friend I haven’t chatted with for a long time. Maybe I can do just that…